On Loyalty

A coworker recently asked, “Are you still a Marlins fan?”  With baseball’s Spring Training in full swing, it was a normal question to ask, and one that would seem to require a simple yes/no answer.  But I just stood there for what felt like an eternity – completely incapable of answering the question. 

I’ve been a fan of the team formerly known as the Florida Marlins for twenty years now.  I remember sitting in an 18 foot camper (long story) in 1993 watching a grainy broadcast of the first pitch in Marlins history.  I’ve been a devoted and loyal fan ever since.  In fact, I’ve been a Marlin since many of their current players were in diapers.

So why would I hesitate to answer if I’m still a fan?  Simply put, because the Marlins have not reciprocated the loyalty that I have shown towards them for two decades now.  Every other year the team dumps its talented, higly-compensated players and restocks the roster with lower-salaried, bargain basement “prospects.”  This offseason was no different as the team transferred the top players north of the border to Toronto – just days after one player (Jose Reyes) was told by the team owner to buy a house in Miami because he was NEVER going to be traded.  The Marlins have no loyalty to their players or the fans, and that makes maintaining loyalty to them a challenge.

But I hold myself to a higher standard than the Marlins lying, disloyal ownership. Or maybe I’m just a glutton for punishment.  Either way, I’m still a Marlins fan.  Even if the guy who asked me this has long since stopped waiting for my reply.

But truthfully, this non-reciprocated loyalty is not relegated strictly to the Miami Marlins.  In fact, loyalty in any form is extremely uncommon in professional sports.  Most teams have no loyalty to their players (just ask Peyton Manning about the team he took the Super Bowl).  Additionally, players have no loyalty to their teams (have you watched the NFL’s free agency period this week?)  And, more often than not, teams have little to no loyalty to their fans or host cities.  Relocation (aka Franchise Free Agency) is almost commonplace now – especially in hockey.   The professional hockey team from Winnipeg relocated to Phoenix in 1996, but then years later the team from Atlanta relocated to Winnipeg.  This was, of course, after the prior Atlanta franchise packed up and moved to Calgary.

But the idea of loyalty extends to all areas of life – many that are so much more important than that of spectator sports.  Many years ago I attended the baptism of a friend’s nephew on a Saturday afternoon.  Someone at the ceremony mentioned they were surprised to see a single 20-something man at a baptism on a Saturday – especially when it wasn’t even his own family.  My friend replied with four simple words: “like an old dog.”  His point was simple: Vince is loyal.  I took it as a great compliment, and I still remember his words nearly 20 years later.

The funny thing is, I didn’t even consider doing anything else on the day of the baptism.  And looking back I don’t really think of it as some grand display of loyalty.  To me it was just doing what you’re supposed to do. 

I’ve actually had one strange and memorable accusation of disloyalty.  It came from someone who was surprised that I am a fan of the football team from my alma mater, and not of the University of Florida.  I was called a traitor for not being a Gator fan.  It wasn’t said with anger, but it was still odd. Let that sink in: I was accused of being disloyal, because I had loyalty to the school I attended.  The irony in that makes my brain ache.

But I’m no saint and I certainly don’t wish to give the impression that I’m the anointed poster boy of loyalty.  The sad fact is that I, like most, have some instances of shameful disloyalty in my past.  I actually skipped the baptism of another friend’s child just because I didn’t approve of his religious affiliation.  Let me put that another way – I thought he was a member of a loony-bin wacko church and I wanted nothing to do with it.  But he was a good and loyal friend, and I know now that I should have attended the ceremony.  I regret not going, and I still think about it sometimes.

Sadly, once you’ve committed one act of disloyalty, it’s hard to shake the reputation.  Think about someone you really trusted at some point who turned on you – someone who gossiped about you or stabbed you in the back.  Maybe you still hold the grudge or maybe you were able to forgive them in time.  But even if you did, I bet you never felt the same way about them again.  And I’m sure those who’ve endured my acts of disloyalty haven’t forgotten my transgressions.  I know that I sure haven’t.

Remaining loyal gets tricky when you’re faced with conflicting loyalties.  I’m not talking about the simple Tim Tebow’s team is playing the Jaguars type of conflict, but much more important situations.  Life situations.  The kind of dire situation such as when your loyalty is torn between your best friend and your spouse.  Or a friend and a sibling.  Or a parent and a spouse.  You get the point.  Those are the types of no-win situations where you’re probably going to be branded as disloyal  no matter which side you choose.

Sometimes the conflict doesn’t involve loyalty to a person at all – sometimes it’s even more complex than that.  I fight the fight of choosing between my loyalty to my friends and my loyalty to my religious faith almost daily.  What can I do when a friend (or even family member) openly mocks my faith?  Do I just idly sit by and say nothing?  Do I politely tell them to keep their big mouth shut?  Do I severe the relationship and close myself off to only associating with those who think like I do?  What a boring existence that would be.  Yet, my loyalty to my faith, to my God, won’t allow me to just sit by grinning like an inbred hillbilly while my beliefs are mocked.

I have a religious blog where an in-depth discussion on loyalty to one’s faith would be more appropriate, so I won’t delve too deeply into the subject here.  But I’ll just say that it’s been a personal struggle for years, and one that has reached its apex in the past month – a month that saw me severe ties with someone I’ve known for over twenty-five years.  Bottom line:  for me personally loyalty to my faith trumps all.  But there’s nothing all that rewarding about severing ties with old friends.  Nobody ever said loyalty was easy.

In my experience I have found that loyalty is incredibly important in male relationships.  One could even say it’s the cornerstone of any lasting male friendship.  When I was in high school we had a saying: “A friend will help you move, but a best friend will help you move a body.”  Fortunately, I never had to make that frantic 2am call, but I was lucky enough to have a few friends that I knew would show up with shovel in-hand if I did.  Some of them still would.

Two weeks ago, one of those high school buddies took three hours out of his Saturday morning (and probably spent over $10 in gas) to come to my daughter’s Little League baseball game.  That’s loyalty.  That’s why some friendships have been in place for two and a half decades.  But if you were to ask him I’m sure he’d say that he was just doing what you’re supposed to do. 

So is it worth it?  Is it worth the time and effort that remaining loyal demands?  Couldn’t we just be like the millionaire athletes or billionaire owners who get richer every year despite exhibiting even a shred of loyalty to anyone or anything? 

Loyalty to friends and family will inevitably pay dividends.  Maybe 26 years down the line someone will show up at your daughter’s baseball game on a Saturday morning.

And loyalty to a particularly faith?  Well I guess we won’t know that one until after our life has ended. 

Loyalty to sports teams?  Oh those abusive, condescending, disloyal sports teams.  I guess if my Marlins are ever even slightly relevant again I can say, “I’ve been a fan since 1993” and maybe somebody will be impressed.  I guess.

One final note.  At the beginning of this blog entry I shared an anecdote about attending a baptism on a Saturday afternoon while I was in my 20’s.   The mother of the child who was being baptized that day had another baby last month.  She named her newborn Vincent.  Loyalty does pay off. 

Like an old dog.  The words still sound wonderful to my ears.

 

 

 

 

 

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